http://www.kls-counseling.com/blog/rss/feedsWe may experience situations that leave us doubting ourselves, feeling overwhelmed, or mentally and physically defeated.Thu, 14 May 2026 01:18:49 -0700http://www.kls-counseling.com/blog/post/the-network-journal-black-professionals-and-small-business-newshttp://www.kls-counseling.com/blog/post/the-network-journal-black-professionals-and-small-business-newsFeeling Off-Kilter at Work? Time to Reboot http://www.tnj.com/career/career-advice/feeling-kilter-work-time-to-reboot Sun, 02 Apr 2017 01:27:00 -0700http://www.kls-counseling.com/blog/post/cbsdfwhttp://www.kls-counseling.com/blog/post/cbsdfwDallas Psychologist Credits Her Success To Good Mentors http://dfw.cbslocal.com/2015/04/26/dallas-psychologist-credits-her-success-to-good-mentors/ Sun, 02 Apr 2017 01:26:00 -0700http://www.kls-counseling.com/blog/post/the-college-and-university-counseling-manualhttp://www.kls-counseling.com/blog/post/the-college-and-university-counseling-manualGet Your Copy Today https://www.amazon.com/College-University-Counseling-Manual-Integrating/dp/082619978X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1474234321&sr=8-2&keywords=college+counseling+manual Sun, 02 Apr 2017 01:13:00 -0700http://www.kls-counseling.com/blog/post/is-your-therapist-too-nice-you-might-want-to-find-a-new-onehttp://www.kls-counseling.com/blog/post/is-your-therapist-too-nice-you-might-want-to-find-a-new-one Does your therapist agree with you all the time? Do they shower you with compliments and praise? Do they smile and nod a lot? Do they always let you lead the session? Have you noticed you invariably leave sessions in a good mood? These could be signs you have a supportive, caring, and empathetic helper—or they may be signs your therapist is too nice. Therapists undergo years of training and are expected to be competent in counseling skills, including skill in confrontation and challenge. However, therapists are also people. Which means they, too, can struggle with disagreeing, being direct, and challenging others, including those with whom they work. Unfortunately, this can be to the detriment of people in therapy. Consider the potential consequences of therapy with a too-nice therapist. If your therapist always agrees with and never challenges you, there is a good chance they’re not being objective. Objectivity is often a reason individuals seek counseling in the first place. Does “I want to talk to someone who doesn’t know me and won’t just tell me what they think I want to hear” sound familiar? Consider the potential consequences of therapy with a too-nice therapist. If your therapist always agrees with and never challenges you, there is a good chance they’re not being objective. Objectivity is often a reason individuals seek counseling in the first place. Does “I want to talk to someone who doesn’t know me and won’t just tell me what they think I want to hear” sound familiar? Find a Therapist Enter ZIP or CityAdvanced Search If your therapist is subjective, you could be missing out on valuable alternative perspectives. It could be refreshing to hear your therapist state, “Here is another way to consider what happened …” before you make a major decision or change. Or, depending on your personality, you might respond well to a therapist being as forward as stating, “I have to challenge what you just said. I think something completely different is happening.” In subjective or too-nice therapy, such challenges are less likely to occur. A basic counseling approach many therapists follow is to let the individual lead the session. This is meant to make sure time is spent purposefully meeting the individual’s needs and to respect the expertise they hold regarding their own lived experiences. This is all fine and good, but have you ever gone into session and thought, “I have no idea what to talk about today”? This could lead to what feels like a wasted session (and maybe even wasted money). There are times it might be helpful for your therapist to be directive and actively lead the session. Additionally, therapist directiveness can produce quicker results with some clinical issues. Take, for example, social anxiety. Getting practical steps for building social confidence, being provided with strategies for managing physical symptoms of anxiety, and practicing newly acquired skills in session demands a high level of involvement and direction from your therapist. A therapist can certainly ask you what you think you can do to improve your social skills, but it’s probably nice to also hear, “Here are some steps we will take to help you build relationships.” If you find yourself in a relationship in which you feel as if your therapist is being too nice (or too directive, too nondirective, too laid back, too confrontational, or any other too …), a good first step is to communicate how you feel. Let your therapist know you wish for more direction or challenge. There is no one-size-fits-all model when it comes to therapy. This is evident in the fact there are hundreds of different therapy approaches, with no one approach found to be superior to all others (American Psychological Association, 2013). What is important is your therapist is a good fit for you and vice versa. When the therapeutic relationship includes a strong bond, cultural understanding, and individualized treatment, therapeutic change is more likely to occur (Laska, Gurman, and Wampold, 2014). If you find yourself in a relationship in which you feel as if your therapist is being too nice (or too directive, too nondirective, too laid back, too confrontational, or any other too …), a good first step is to communicate how you feel. Let your therapist know you wish for more direction or challenge. Express your desire to learn more about their views or perspectives on the issues brought up. Maybe your therapist is intentionally being too nice. It may be a means to elicit a certain emotion from you or to move you to confront unsatisfying relationships. However, therapy tends to not work well if it is a mystery. If you feel confused or uncertain, ask your therapist to explain more about their approach and how they see therapy working. Such a conversation could give you the insight you need to tackle your presenting concerns. After having an honest conversation about your needs, should you find your therapist’s style is still not a good fit for you, don’t give up on therapy; instead, find a new therapist. Wanting a therapist who may be a better fit for what you need is not a personal attack against your therapist. Therapists recognize they won’t be the best match for everyone who seeks their services. Additionally, having worked with you, your therapist might have suggestions for another therapist they feel will better suit your needs. So if your relationship with your therapist is too nice, remember it is never too late to make a change in how you and your therapist work together—and it is never too late to change your therapist, either. References: American Psychological Association (APA). (2013). Recognition of psychotherapy effectiveness. Psychotherapy, 50, 102–109.Laska, K. M., Gurman, A. S., & Wampold, B. E. (2014). Expanding the lens of evidence-based practice in psychotherapy: A common factors perspective. Psychotherapy, 51(4), 467–48.1© Copyright 2017 GoodTherapy.org. All rights reserved. Permission to publish granted by Kimber Shelton, PhD, therapist in Duncanville, Texas Additionally, therapist directiveness can produce quicker results with some clinical issues. Take, for example, social anxiety. Getting practical steps for building social confidence, being provided with strategies for managing physical symptoms of anxiety, and practicing newly acquired skills in session demands a high level of involvement and direction from your therapist. A therapist can certainly ask you what you think you can do to improve your social skills, but it’s probably nice to also hear, “Here are some steps we will take to help you build relationships.” If you find yourself in a relationship in which you feel as if your therapist is being too nice (or too directive, too nondirective, too laid back, too confrontational, or any other too …), a good first step is to communicate how you feel. Let your therapist know you wish for more direction or challenge. Wed, 08 Feb 2017 00:00:00 -0700http://www.kls-counseling.com/blog/post/is-it-ever-appropriate-to-give-or-accept-a-gift-in-therapyhttp://www.kls-counseling.com/blog/post/is-it-ever-appropriate-to-give-or-accept-a-gift-in-therapy For better or for worse, the holiday season is associated with the giving and receiving of gifts. Gifts are exchanged between those we are close with, including family members and friends. Gifts are exchanged between acquaintances, such as coworkers or local service providers (think mail carrier or hairdresser). Gifts may also be given or received among those with which we have no relationship, or anonymously (adopting a family, donating time or money to a charity). With so many gifts being passed around in so many contexts, it’s an opportune time to talk about some of the potential issues one must be mindful of when considering gifting within the therapeutic relationship—be it during the holiday season or any other time of year. It may seem only natural to exchange gifts in therapy. After all, in therapy, a close bond may be established, great care and concern are typically expressed, and when the rapport is strong, there may be a genuine like between the parties. The giving of gifts may also be thought of as a means to show appreciation or honor a special stage in therapy. But not so fast. Although gifts may seem appropriate between a person in therapy and their therapist, receiving and giving gifts can be a source of stress for the therapeutic relationship. It can hurt therapeutic progress, and it can have serious consequences. Professional ethics codes typically caution therapists from giving or receiving gifts within a therapy relationship. For example, the American Counseling Association Code of Ethics (2014) advises counselors to consider the therapeutic relationship, monetary value of gifts, and the motivation for accepting or declining gifts from people they serve, and the American Psychological Association Code of Ethics (2010) requires that psychologists avoid personal and financial situations that could create a conflict of interest. Such standards are meant to protect people in therapy from exploitative or manipulative therapy tactics and relationships. These standards are also meant to protect therapists. For example, if a therapist was presented with a gift of value, they may feel pressured to give preferential treatment or refrain from challenging the gift giver. Exchanging gifts may also suggest or invite a change in the nature of the therapeutic relationship—from a professional relationship to a relationship that is too casual, too friendly, or potentially provocative. Where some mental health professionals might draw a hard line on gifting in either direction, others may see a sliver of gray area. While there are possible pitfalls and ethical complications to consider, there are also ways in which gifts might legitimately be argued to be potentially helpful and culturally appropriate. For example, if a child draws their therapist a picture, it may be hurtful to the child if the therapist rejects the drawing. Another example: After visiting their homeland, an individual brings their therapist a small gift of tea from their country. It might be unnecessarily complicated to explain why accepting the gift is a bad idea, particularly if giving gifts is a meaningful part of that person’s culture and rejecting it would be counterproductive to therapy goals. Any licensed mental health professional should be keenly aware of potential ethical entanglements involved in gifting, and it is up to the therapist to determine whether gifting a person in therapy may risk or promote therapeutic growth. Where there is doubt, caution is always the wisest path. It might also be argued that there are benefits of therapists providing some people, in some circumstances, with certain types of small, symbolic, therapeutic gifts. Such therapeutic gifts might be intended to represent growth and provide ongoing motivation. At the completion of therapy, a small memento may go a long way in maintaining positive change, or serve as a reminder to reach out for help in the future. Additionally, some individuals may have difficulty affording the therapeutic tools, such as journals or books, that are sometimes recommended or assigned as therapy “homework.” In these cases, within reason, a therapist might decide that gifting the individual with a homework tool is justified and appropriate. Of course, some therapists might reasonably feel uncomfortable providing even therapeutic tools, no matter the circumstances. It’s a position few could fault them for. When therapists do choose to provide people in or completing therapy with these types of small gifts, they must consider the potential ethical issues. Therapists should never give gifts that impede the therapy relationship or promote a harmful or unsafe environment, and must be mindful of issues associated with power and control. Below are some examples of free or low-value gifts and tools that therapists, in an informal survey, reported having given to people they worked with in the therapy room. The reasons the gifts were deemed to be therapeutically beneficial are also summarized. The general theme was this: in each case, the gift complemented the therapeutic relationship and the journey of the person in therapy. Cards. At the end of therapy, some therapists may provide a card highlighting therapy progress and reminding people of the changes they have made. During a termination session, sharing with a person the changes their therapist sees in them may be considered a special and caring way to end the relationship. Stones. Some therapists may keep small stones in their office. Stones may be representative of strength, resilience, hardiness, or other qualities. Stones that have flaws may be seen as beautifully imperfect. Allowing people to choose a stone may serve as a symbolic reminder of the person’s strength and imperfect beauty. Mandalas. These spiritual or ritual symbols in traditional Indian culture represent wholeness and one’s relationship with the universe. The therapeutic benefits of coloring mandalas may include expanding creativity, building spiritual connection, and enhancing relaxation. Journals. Therapists may request that people maintain a journal while in therapy. Journaling can help to organize thoughts, decrease anxiety, and serve as a means for tracking change. Some therapists may provide a simple journal or use time in therapy to create a journal. Books. Self-help books can be used separately from therapy or in conjunction with what is being explored in therapy. Therapists may provide a person with a book that is already in their office, one they believe the person would benefit from. Or, as routine practice, therapists may supply books associated with the specific form of therapy being used. Metaphors, quotes, or poems. Metaphors or inspirational quotes and poems can be symbolic of the unique qualities or strengths people possess. Candles. Candles can inspire relaxation, meditation, and focus. Use of a candle can help people reproduce a space of awareness and insightfulness outside of therapy. Music or meditation. Playing a song in session or giving a person a meditation recording may be a special way to acknowledge and maintain clinical progress. Ultimately, the decision whether to give or accept a gift rests with the individuals involved. Some therapists might not want any part of gifting, while others might leave room for unusual considerations. Under no circumstances should a gift be expected or rewarded. Any licensed mental health professional should be keenly aware of potential ethical entanglements involved in gifting, and it is up to the therapist to determine whether gifting a person in therapy may risk or promote therapeutic growth. Where there is doubt, caution is always the wisest path. References: American Counseling Association. (2014). Code of ethics. Washington, DC: Author.American Psychological Association. (2010). Ethical principles of psychologists and code of c Washington, DC: Author.© Copyright 2016 GoodTherapy.org. All rights reserved. Permission to publish granted by Kimber Shelton, PhD, therapist in Duncanville, Texas Thu, 22 Dec 2016 00:00:00 -0700http://www.kls-counseling.com/blog/post/goodtherapyorg--september-2016http://www.kls-counseling.com/blog/post/goodtherapyorg--september-2016Conflict Free Couples Trip http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/5-steps-to-keeping-your-couples-vacation-conflict-free-0913165 Thu, 01 Sep 2016 00:00:00 -0700http://www.kls-counseling.com/blog/post/your-therapist-is-not-your-friendhttp://www.kls-counseling.com/blog/post/your-therapist-is-not-your-friend There is something special and unique about the relationship between a person in therapy and his or her therapist. It is a professional relationship, one in which the therapist is providing a service. However, it is also an intimate relationship, one in which secrets are shared, tears are shed, and moments of joy are celebrated. It is an open relationship in that, with consent, your therapist will communicate with other health professionals on your behalf. But it is also a very private relationship, as your confidentiality is held sacred. A bond and trust are formed in therapy, yet the therapeutic relationship is a bit one-sided; while your therapist learns a great deal about you, he or she is less likely to engage in reciprocal sharing. This is different from a friendship, in which both parties mutually share who they are. The complexities of the therapeutic relationship are distinct from other relationships, but it is these same complexities that make psychotherapy work. For therapy to be successful, your therapist must maintain healthy boundaries in the relationship and cannot develop a friendship with you. Because of this, it could seem like your therapist is being fake or disingenuous with you. There have been multiple occasions in which a person in therapy has stated to me, “You don’t care about me, you are only here because this is your job.” It is true that your therapist is doing a job, but this does not mean he or she does not care about you. I rather like and enjoy the people I help. I have had the pleasure of meeting funny, intelligent, successful, and down-to-earth women and men who, had we met outside of therapy, likely would have made good friends. But for therapy to do what it’s supposed to do, your therapist simply can’t be your friend. Find a Therapist Enter ZIP or CityAdvanced SearchOne of the first rules therapists learn is they cannot provide therapy to friends or family. It is too challenging to remain unbiased in friend and family relationships, which is why many people have great difficulty staying objective when it comes to those closest to them. Your therapist developing a friendship with you would ultimately serve to interfere with your therapeutic relationship. Additionally, therapists who become over-involved in the lives of those they help experience higher rates of burnout and decreased efficiency. Admittedly, it’s odd to share great detail about your life and get little in return from the other person. Fortunately, your therapist (hopefully) is not robotic or an emotionless blank slate. Although you do not have a friendship with your therapist, he or she does not have to be a mystery to you. This is also not to say you cannot have a friendly relationship with your therapist outside of counseling. Your therapist is unlikely to accept your social media requests or attend social functions you invite them to; however, there are many cases where therapists and the people they help have more than one relationship. For example, a therapist working at a college counseling center could be an adviser for a campus organization in which a person they help is a member. Or a therapist and person in therapy could attend the same church and see one another at church functions. But even though friendly exchanges occur, your therapist is still operating within boundaries to protect your confidentiality and maintain the therapeutic relationship. Admittedly, it’s odd to share great detail about your life and get little in return from the other person. Fortunately, your therapist (hopefully) is not robotic or an emotionless blank slate. Although you do not have a friendship with your therapist, he or she does not have to be a mystery to you. As mentioned earlier, your relationship with your therapist is a predictor of therapy’s success; therefore, you and your therapist need to be a good fit. When appropriate, your therapist can voluntarily share personal information, but it is also fair to ask your therapist certain questions. You can ask professional questions about your therapist’s educational background or style of therapy. You can ask personal questions that seem relevant to you. Your therapist has the right to decline to answer any question. There are times when I refrain from answering questions if I believe that, regardless of my response, any answer I give will have some sort of unnecessary impact on the relationship. But often I answer personal questions, as they are not generally meant to be invasive—people are just curious about people sitting across from them. Curiosity, about ourselves and about our relationships with others, is an important element of therapy. Honoring that curiosity is a good thing. Your therapist is there to help guide that curiosity where it is most needed. So, while you and your therapist can’t be friends, you can be part of a rewarding relationship!Thu, 05 Nov 2015 00:00:00 -0700http://www.kls-counseling.com/blog/post/goodtherapyorg--november-2015http://www.kls-counseling.com/blog/post/goodtherapyorg--november-2015Your Therapist is Not Your Friend http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/your-therapist-is-not-your-friend-1109154 Sun, 01 Nov 2015 01:15:00 -0700http://www.kls-counseling.com/blog/post/momme--june-2015http://www.kls-counseling.com/blog/post/momme--june-2015Explaining Caitlyn Jenner to Your Kindergartner http://mom.me/blog/20058-how-when-your-kindergartner-wants-know-what-trangender-means/ Mon, 01 Jun 2015 00:00:00 -0700http://www.kls-counseling.com/blog/post/goodtherapyorg--june-2015http://www.kls-counseling.com/blog/post/goodtherapyorg--june-2015Authentic Allyship Can Achieve What Rachel Dolezal Cannot http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/authentic-allyship-can-achieve-what-rachel-dolezal-cannot-0618156 Mon, 01 Jun 2015 00:00:00 -0700